scientaestubique (scientaestubiqu) wrote,

Must see this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Helpdesk Operator Listed 24 Oct 2002
Melbourne, listed by IT Resources Group (VIC)
Yes, it`s this same bloody job again. $40K still on the table for a champion Helpdesk Operator with Exchange and Unix experience. SE Suburbs.

Helpdesk Operator

Please understand that we don’t like sending rejection letters. That’s not our thing. As a recruitment agency, we make our money by recruiting people, not by sending out rejection letters. We’d hire you all if we could. Really. Because then we could stay at home and have trained chimpanzees drive canary yellow Ferraris to work, just so we had entities at the office to look after the phones and keep the fax machine in tip top shape. We`d stay at home and eat Doritos or something, maybe do some watercolours. Job seekers such as yourself would walk through the office door and a collective, tribal screech would go up, shattering windows as the monkeys pressed clumps of sweaty fifty dollar bills into your trembling hands. There would be ten jobs to every person and we’d encourage you to have lots and lots of children, who would instantly be placed, making us more and more money until we all ended up living in some kind of global, Star Trek utopia.

Sadly, though, we’re not there yet. There are fifty people to every job and it’s our responsibility to whittle forty-nine of those people away. We don’t like doing it. It makes us sad inside and sometimes – we won’t admit this out loud – but sometimes, when we go home, we weep silently in front of the television. There’s nothing more depressing than weeping, on your own, in front of Neighbours, I tell you now.

So the point of this all is…forgive us. Countless hundreds of you have applied to this very same job but, unfortunately, none of you were any good. That isn’t your fault. That’s not our fault. You just weren’t right for the job. Oh, how we wish you were! But you weren’t. We know how it feels, that rush you get when you find a job that you think is absolutely perfect for you, only to receive some kind of crushing rejection because a clean-skinned, freshly-manicured, suit-wearing, shoe-polishing, paper-shuffling HR person has decided you’re just no good. We know you resent us.

What we need, dear God, is someone with plenty of Helpdesk experience. We don’t mean a brief stint in a computer shop in Reservoir when you had to do something to fulfil your Work For The Dole requirements, we mean an actual, honest Helpdesk job, were you sat at a desk and helped people with their computer problems. You could have done it for three months or fifty years for all we care, just so long as you did it.

You’ll also have to have lots and lots of Exchange knowledge. By that, we don’t just mean that you know what Exchange is. That would be too simple and everybody knows we like to make things difficult. We want a candidate who is so familiar with Exchange that your relationship, as it were, could almost be called intimate. Seared into your brain will be every drop-down menu, every endlessly scrolling screen, every blue screen error and every five minute stretch of pointless hard drive access. You know Exchange. You love Exchange. You want to be Exchange.

On top of that, you will have a knowledge of Unix. I don’t have anything more to say about that, except that that’s what you need. Unix. Knowledge of.

You’ll be working for a big transport company, working with the team to help clueless users figure out what it means to “point and click”, that there is no “Any” key, that you don’t need to smack the side of the monitor when you’ve finished typing a line because the monitor is not the carriage return on a typewriter.

An MCSE or MCP qualification would be great. And we’re sorry, graduates, but if you apply we won’t be looking at you. We’d like to, but we just won’t. It’s not that we’re better than you, it’s just that the client won’t hire you. Ever. Not until you have commercial experience. And I know you can’t get commercial experience if nobody ever hires you but – pray forgive us – there’s nothing we can do about it.

We have feelings too.

Oh, and another thing. This job is in the South Eastern Suburbs (of Melbourne), so it would be really great if you could live around there. Thanks.

$40K. Apply now, or call Louise Jones for more information. She didn’t write this advert, so please don’t yell at her.
Please contact Louise Jones quoting reference number SK/LJHDO on:
phone (03) 9629 6788 • fax (03) 9629 5788
Email: Please click the 'Apply Now' button below.

Interested? this job ad is here:
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